Kagne's Blog

Protected: personal2 lesson 4

kagneadal — Tue, 02 Nov 2010 22:12:57 +0000

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My 90 day challenge

kagneadal — Tue, 02 Nov 2010 20:46:59 +0000

I think I finally figured out my motovation. And its not for anyone else but God and myself. I’m hurting bad from my Grandmothers death, and its not her fault i dont blame her, not once. I just am very upset that she is no longer here. I think its cause she wont see me become an astronaut. Thats all she’s known me talk about. I do need to move on from the past and focus on the now. Focus on gettin my future together. But that doesnt mean the pain has gone. I miss her everyday. And everyday I push these feelings aside I eat and eat and eat, eat junk food, eat foods that dont help. I figured that much out. So starting first thing tonight after I wake up and get ready for work, I’m startin a new healthy eating thing and I’m doing P90X tomorrow. I bought new running shoes. Hundred shoes but they fit how my feet run and work with me not against me. So heres the beginning of my journey, I’m doing a 90 day challenge. I figure since p90x is 90 days and I bought a book that was written by two biggest losers and they have 90 day challenge, but its my own activites just they are here for motovation. Book is called The 90 day fitness challenge by phil and amy parham. I found this in the christian inspiration. I think I also sort of found my faith as well. I roll my eyes when i write that cause i think why didnt i find it months ago when all of this started, but I’m not gonna focus on why this or that didnt happen. I’m just gonna focus on the next 90 days. Okay well I’ll write here everday or maybe every few days.

personal2 lesson 3

kagneadal — Wed, 27 Oct 2010 22:08:55 +0000

2 people I admire: My best friend Mars, and I’m not sure about a second person. I think I said my mom last time but maybe I just wanted myself to believe I loved her, dont get me wrong I love my mom a lot. But I think I was tryin to make myself or all of you to believe that my mom and I had a great realtionship and thats not the case. I do love my mom though a lot. I’d be lost without her. As far as Mars goes I think i admire her cause shes loyal, she’s stuck by me through my worst time and never once given up on being friends with me. I think when it comes down to it, I would do the same for her or any friends I have. I love my friends, I dont have many and I try my best to make sure I keep em. I think the more I think of it, I do make excuses. I think if I were to really acknowledge that I’m a good person or that I have these great things about myself, of course I would have to change. Not only that I wouldnt have any more excuses like omg I’m a retard or omg Im a complete F’d up person. Things like that.

As far as which Jedi inspires me. Yoda lol. He just is always calm and knows how to make those around him relax and can help others to their right path. Wish he could help me.

Personal2 lesson 2

kagneadal — Wed, 27 Oct 2010 21:21:24 +0000

Hobbies: I enjoyed archaeology, I acutally used to dig up my grandparents yard and i ended up digging up so deep i found a garden snake lol. My grandpa had to throw it in the woods. I also loved to star gaze at my grandparents house, No city ligths to bother. Now I enjoy sitting and playing video games. I like reading star wars books only lol. If money and time were no object, I’d tell the Russians to send me to the space station for 6 months lol

Career: I wanted to be an astronaut and an archaeologiest when I was a kid. My ideal career is the same. I wanna major in aerospace eng go work for NASA but I also wanna get a minor in archaeology.

Education: I would focus on meditation. I have the worse anxity attacks and the doc I’m seein is thinkin of puttin me on instant fix meds. I know meds arnt good for stuff like that.

Personality: My strengths? I think before I said I didnt have strengths, but now that I’ve sort of gettin things figured out for myself, I’m good at my job.

I feel like its hard for me to find strengths about myself when Im used to nothing but failure and fear.

10 Strengths: Video games, history, writing, people say i come up with lots of ideas and i should get into business or become a laywer cause i can multitask. Computers, reading. I’m not sure excatly what your looking for with the strengths. I mean video games is my strength cause it helps me be calm and relaxed when I”m stressed. I dont know if those are things your looking for.

Dream for the future: I could help others through the computer or write them if they want a pen pal. I can help others in my own weird way lol. Make people challenge themselves when I solve a rubix cube and they cant, happened before. They get angry at first but they come back and do it later. I really just want to live. I dont want to exist anymore. I want to live.

PT Starting

kagneadal — Sun, 24 Oct 2010 15:04:14 +0000

Okay well here I’m just gonna post pt stuff. I’m gonna eat the right foods and quit tryin to blow everything off. I’m not looking forward to starting this new program, maybe its cause sitting all day is easier lol i dont know. anyways so i’m starting tonight my workout then i go to work then do it all again tomorrow. I’m gonna need support and if i dont post here everyday about pt that means i was lazy and didnt do it or i was lazy and dont wanna get on the pc lol. Just text me to make sure i did pt. i really wanna do this but i dont know if my mind is connecting with my heart on this one its werid.

Protected: Personal2 Lesson 1

kagneadal — Wed, 20 Oct 2010 17:06:47 +0000

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Meaning of life

kagneadal — Tue, 05 Oct 2010 05:01:19 +0000

Can I really explain how i’m feeling? Can I explain the pain I feel? Maybe sometimes I punish myself for mistakes that are normal for a human. Human? Is that what I am, is that what you call someone like me? I would prefer to consider myself a being in the universe. Sometimes I lay here thinking about nebulas and imagine I’m flying through them, flying through the universe to where I belong. Because I know this Earth isnt where I’m supposed to be, nor is it where I intend to end. I come to believe that after all humans are just toys to one another. But maybe, just maybe there are a few decent beings that belong in the stars, in Heaven. Thats where I think I belong anyways. I wasnt ment to stay on this planet. But I know that at the end of each day, the few friends I do have are the ones that will last a lifetime. Some already have. Maybe thats what the meaning of life is, the meaning of my life. To get to where I belong, to find that even though sometimes I feel out of place here, to know that I belong somewhere. Even if this is my home, I know it will never be my destiny. That made no sense lol. Anyways that was just my rambling on about nothing. Soemthing that came to mind. Laters.

Lesson 10 – Living in the Present

kagneadal — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 21:24:32 +0000

Do you tend to spend more time in the past, present, or future? Past, I can say I spend more time in the past. Maybe a few times a week the present.

Did you see any improvement when you made the effort to shift your focus to the present? As you know I’ve been going to get other things taken care of and its helped me start thinkin in the now. I cant change that over night but its helped a lot to keep my mind focused.

In addition to this, I’d like to see you continue working on the emotions assignment from last week. I usually am frustrated a lot, and I get stressed, headaches. I can feel the stress taking its toll on my body and i’m very upset at myself for this. But things have been getting better.

Protected: Bad Treatment at Work

kagneadal — Fri, 22 Jan 2010 19:05:30 +0000

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Protected: My Battle Buddy

kagneadal — Sat, 16 Jan 2010 07:52:07 +0000

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